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★★★★★ 5
Started w/ audiobook, now I'm ordering the print too
Format: Paperback
This book is GREAT!! The integration of theory she uses to support her claims is masterful. I began listening to the audiobook, because it was cheaper & I go through a ton of counseling & psych books. I am a grad student in social work, and I'm also a therapy client trying to heal myself.
I appreciate that this book targets "chronic shame" which as a central experience to a bunch of issues. The hundreds of books and articles I've researched seem like they were mostly ALL working back to this issue.
In a psychology culture that is big on cognitive and chemical solutions to mental health, the relational approach that she emphasizes is critical to the healing process. I appreciate the research she uses from object relations, affect regulation, interpersonal, etc. I purchased the hard copy because 1. I can't underline/highlight an audiobook and 2. I want a copy of the references of theorists and study's that she draws from, because they are pure gold.
All therapists need to understand the contents of this book! Unless you are perfectly fine offering band aid solutions. Clients and self-helpers beware. It's not triggering in terms of content, it is activating in the sense that she describes the felt experience of shame SO WELL. I could locate my own felt sense of shame which is, by default, unpleasant. Some stabilization and a decent therapeutic connection is probably necessary before cracking this book open. But that's why I love it. I needed to go deeper and get the core issues. And this book is like a map that guides you right to it.
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Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2025
